Shifting into painless birth and painless life
activating the inner shaman during pregnancy and other inner world in parenting
Changing my belief systems has been one of my favorite activities during postpartum. Little did I know long before I emerge from the mist of the first two postpartum years, the inner shaman awakens during pregnancy to bring transformation and clear the path for a joyful ride of motherhood.
After generations of deep conditioning living in deep connection enough to master these mindsets forward into our life is going to take courage and determination to leave something behind. It is something we truly need to be ready for.
Postpartum initiations
After Yuka was born at home breech on our couch, my life turned upside down. During the birth I knocked on heavens gate and turned my old self to the angels. I came down to the loud voices of my doulas and my lover and knew life was never going to be the same.
when I look back at these past years I see the main theme that was revealed to me is my fear of being superior. The fear of showing my lessness. The fear of setting boundaries. The fear of being rejected. The fear of being a bad mother.
The little girl suppressing herself for the fear of loosing life.
There were strangers coming into my life who showed me where I am suppressing what hurts or feels chaotic or where I feel powerless. The postpartum with a third child while mother 2 other small children 2,5 and 5, was absolutely sweeping me off my feet every day.Not with beauty or glamour (even though that was still what I was trying to focus on) but with burned pots, unhealthy boundaries, screaming crying and guiding myself home.
During the postpartum I started noticing a pattern that when I try to hide my emotions because I fear to be rejected, Yuka cries. So I started to open up.
During this big transitioning in my life also:
my dad talk to me again after 6 years
I spilt all my traumas to my mom
attended my first birth as a witness
moved to our land
attracting people who mirrored me
I want the world to witness me in my painful experiences. I want the world to witness me when I feel broken, useless or empty. I want the world to know that this is what we are here to do. To feel it all no matter the name of it. But during the postpartum I had no tools to do it. I just had to sit with what was. This was the perfect medicine for me, at a time.